In the heart of an artist lies all sorts of thoughts, emotions, and expressions waiting to be let out…

Archive for March, 2012

Late night/early morning musings…

I hate this, I hate feeling this way. I’m at this point in my life, a crossroads. It’s a point where I cannot continue going on the way I have been going. Not if I ever want to truly move forward or go anywhere in my life.

I am cursed, plagued with insecurities and doubts. I know I’m not perfect, I have never pretended to be perfect. But now I see… I have so many more imperfections than I originally thought. I don’t know what happened. I used to be so confident. Nothing could phase me. I could walk through life with a smile, and be positive, and just be happy that I was alive and living. That’s always been enough for me. Until recently, until the past couple months… What happened… what changed?

Why am I so broken?

I can’t maintain any of my relationships. I have destroyed the relationships for several of the people that I care the most about. And I have no idea how to fix anything. I just don’t know where to go from here. It’s hard for me to even type right now… my hands are shaking so badly just from thinking about it… And obviously it’s affecting my sleep, as I’m writing this at 6 AM in the morning….

I just don’t know what to do or where to go from here. And of course no one can help me, the only one who can figure this stuff out is me. Except that I don’t even know how to do that.

There’s an old saying that goes something like “If you’re not happy with your life, then change it.” I want to… I just have no idea where to begin.



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